Alternate Title: THE WORLD ACCORDING TO BATMAN
First of all, I would like to say that this picture has absolutely nothing to do with the following piece, which I will also wholeheartedly say is the funniest thing I have ever published in this blog. Or anywhere. Unfortunately I had nothing to do with writing it. Other than providing the material, that is.
Well, actually, I guess the picture does correlate a tiny bit to the material, because it was taken on a field trip with Batman’s Pre-school class, headed by our beloved Miss Torrie, when we were caught in an unexpected rainstorm at the pumpkin patch. I chose it because I imagine it closely resembles the look on Batman’s face as he contemplates our family life.
Miss Torrie is coincidentally also the interviewer in the following family analysis, provided to us in a single laminated sheet at Batman’s Pre-school program this week.
Batman was asked the following series of questions. His answers are, I believe, self-explanatory and require no further introduction or discussion.
Me and Daddy
1. What is something your dad always says to you?
2. What makes dad happy?
When I smile
3. What makes dad sad?
When has a day off from work
4. How does your dad make you laugh?
When he tricks me and makes funny jokes
5. What was your dad like as a child?
He played games
6. How old is your dad?
7. How tall is your dad?
As tall as the half-wall at Miss Torrie’s
8. What is his favorite thing to do?
Go to work
9. What does your dad do when you’re not here?
He goes to work
10. If your dad becomes famous, what will it be for?
For doing computers
11. What is your dad really good at?
12. What is your dad not very good at?
13. What does your dad do for a job?
14. What is your dad’s favorite food?
15. What makes you proud of your dad?
Because he catched so many birds
16. If your dad were a cartoon, who would he be?
Probably Captain America because he likes to fight and he’s good at fighting
17. What do you and your dad do together?
We go hunting
18. How are you and your dad the same?
We have the same longest hair
19. How are you and your dad different?
He has hair on his body and I don’t
20. How do you know that your dad loves you?
Because he tells me
21. What does your dad like most about your mom?
That she works on the computer
22. Where is your dad’s favorite place to go?
Me and Mommy
1. What is something your mom always says to you?
She says I’m goofy
2. What makes Mom happy?
Cleaning up my room
3. What makes mom sad?
Mom is never sad
4. How does your mom make you laugh?
When she makes funny faces
5. What was your mom like as a child?
I don’t know she never tells me
6. How old is your mom?
7. How tall is your mom?
She is too tall for my arms to reach
8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Work in the office…because she ALWAYS does that
9. What does your mom do when you’re not here?
Probably working in her office all day long
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
11. What is your mom really good at?
She’s really good at working on her computer. She is really good at riding horses too!!!
12. What is your mom not very good at?
She’s not very good at fixing stuff
13. What does your mom do for a job?
I don’t know what my mom’s job is, but I know my dad’s job….(it’s makin’ money)
14. What is your mom’s favorite food?
15. What makes you proud of your mom?
For printing out pictures
16. If your mom were a cartoon, who would she be?
A girl super hero
17. What do you and your mom do together?
I ride horses together with my mom
18. How are you and your mom the same?
We have the same color of hair
19. How are you and your mom different?
I have short hair and it is kind of pointy, mom has long hair
20. How do you know that your mom loves you?
Probably because she tells me
21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
That he makes more money to buy more horses, but I don’t really want a lot of horses because we don’t have any more pens.
22. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?
To go riding at Eagle Island
Thank you Miss Torrie for the invaluable glimpse into our family life as interpreted by our youngest member. It makes me laugh and cry all at the same time.